Little Changes, Big Milestones

I cannot believe my daughter is almost a year. The past 11 months have been the most interesting, challenging and rewarding of my life. I don’t know if it is makes any sense but I feel like my life has a purpose now. Imagine a baby who is relying on you for everything and your actions or lack of them will determine their future. What a responsibility! Just thinking about it makes me want to be a better person so that she can only see the best. 

As you can probably see this post is not about running. I am feeling a bit sad and emotional as we must say goodbye to yet another thing. It has been 11 months full of anticipated changes… Safa smiling for the first time, rolling over, first solid feed, first tooth, crawling and now walking. Each change brought new challenges and fears for me. Is she eating enough? Is she drinking enough? Is she sleeping enough? These were some of the questions that haunted me every second of the day. I know I am not alone in this as they are the most common questions for all mothers especially for first time mothers like myself. The nights of sleeping deeply have totally disappeared for me. Even when my daughter started sleeping through the night, the same did not happen for me. I lost count of the number of nights I would hear a baby cry in my dreams. Thank God for video monitors as it helped with not running into her room each time I heard something. 

Safa’s lack of interest in milk has been the most frustrating and stressful of all for me. God has blessed me with a child who is not a big fan of milk and is the pickiest eater I ever met, starting when she was not even a week old. I really cannot blame her as it runs in her genes. Both my husband and I are very picky eaters. Now that I am a mother I feel bad for what I made my own mother go through. I remember in the old days when Safa did not drink or eat enough I would be depressed and my mood will totally change. Now that I look back I cannot believe I had actually allowed her to affect my moods. My obsession with her milk drinking did not stop fully to this day however I have learned that there are bigger things to worry about in life and also now that she is eating food it’s easier to give her yogurt or something else that she likes in order to make myself feel better. I guess part of being a new mother includes learning and I have learned that children are smarter than we think. The facilitator at my mother’s group always used to say “they will not starve themselves” and I believe this with all my heart. I will see Safa turn away from milk but if I give her yogurt will take it without issues. I remember reading that it is important not to force a child into food but my heart will not allow me to put her down to sleep without making attempts to feed her, even though she will throw up on me.

To get back to the reason that I am writing this post today, I have decided to end my days of breast feeding. This is a moment that I have been waiting for in a long time but now that we are getting closer to my goal (one year) I actually feel sad about it. I have a hate/love relationship with BF. I love nursing but I hate pumping. I went back to work when Safa was almost four months (yes my Canadian friends welcome to the United States of America where maternity leave is two weeks if you are lucky you get three months but it is WITHOUT A PAY) so if you do the calculation I have been pumping three times a day for seven months now. Every day I would leave my desk three times (9am, 12 and 3pm), take two set of stairs to the fourth floor where the mother’s room is located and produce milk for my daughter. The process itself is not long – about 15 minutes of pumping then another 5 or so to clean the parts, but what is annoying beyond imagination is the effort it takes to do it. It helps to have a supportive employer who actually provides a room to use ( I heard that some women have to do it in washrooms). Furthermore I’ve built a relationship with the four other girls using the room and no one minds if someone is not within their allotted time.  

Throughout the process I have learned that breastfeeding/pumping is not for everyone. I have also learned not to judge those that choose not to breastfeed and sympathies with those that could not due to means that were beyond their control.  In my heart I strongly believe that every mother wants what’s best for her child and the sacrifices one makes depends on that mother and her limits. I am truly proud of my efforts and Thank God for giving me the opportunity to be able to produce milk.  I wish I had the means to continue longer but I have reached my limit, however I am still sad and I think it is because I am dealing with one more change.  I have literally given up my identity as me and become Safa’s mom and now that she is getting bigger and I am getting myself back, I feel a bit lost. She is not relying on me as much and although I am so happy that she is becoming her own person I am truly going to miss being her biggest provider. I am looking forward to taking any pain reliever I want and drinking as much caffeine as possible but I cannot help but also be a bit sad for another change we must endure.

p.s. I have the most amazing friends and family but I would like to take a moment to thank Jelena for her constant encouragement and support especially in the area of breastfeeding.  Not only did she share everything with me but she also made sure that I learned from all her mistakes.  Thank you baby girl - you have been a life saver for me more than ones.  love you.

Cherry Blossom 10 Miler

Five days before the Cherry Blossom -10 miler (http://www.cherryblossom.org) was supposed to take place; I was offered the opportunity to run the race in someone else’s place.  “A friend of a friend” was not able to participate in the race, so I bought his bib for $40.00.  The Cherry Blossom is one of those races that sold out right away and to make it worse you enter through a lottery.  I hesitated for second; checked my agenda and noticed that my long run that weekend was 11 miles.  In addition, to participate in the run you must finish within 2:20 minutes with a pace of 14miles/hr or a bus will pick you up.  That was a lot of pressure. I decided to do it and told myself to treat it as a regular run and not to become competitive and run faster than I am used to.  In the past, I would run fast and burn out quickly but with my training lately I have been going slow (11 miles per hour) in order to have more endurance.  

Saturday night arrived and I could not sleep at all.  It was frustrating but I have always been like this on the night before anything big (e.g. first day of school, a new job etc.).  I finally gave up around 4am when Safa woke up for nursing.  Fed her and started getting ready.  My friend Lily came around 6:00am, parked her vehicle at our place and I drove to DC.  We were worried that we could not find parking but we got lucky and found the perfect parking spot which meant we had plenty of time to stay in the cold.  OMG it was freezing but as soon as we started running it was much better.

The race did not start till 730 a.m.  There were approximately 15, 000 runners, it was nice to see so many different people with one common goal.  Runners were assigned to a color-coded starting corral based on previous race times.  Colors on bib numbers matched starting corrals.  There were six waves of approximately 2, 500 runners each.  The waves started at three to five minute intervals.  Lily and I were little over the half a mile mark when we saw the first person (a Kenyan) coming back from his run.  OMG they are like machines!  I saw a shirt someone was wearing with the slogan “run like you’re a Kenyan” but there is no way I could ever run like that.   I was so proud of my African brothers. How in the world do they do it?  We all started shouting and clapping.  The support and encouragement we got from the volunteers and people on the sides was sweet and motivating. Half of the time I was busy reading the signs of encouragement and made the task of running so much easier. 

I cannot lie. It was hard.  I was feeling it by mile seven and on the back of my mind I was thinking “how in the world I am going to do 26.1 miles when I am having such hard time at 7miles??”  I was true to my goal and stayed with the 10 -11 minutes per mile pace.  If I saw myself going faster I would slow down and if I was going too slowly I would pick up the pace.  Lily stayed with me the whole time although I think she could have gone faster if she wanted, that was really sweet of her.  We were not talking at all expect once in a while.  I was listening to my book and she was listening to her music.    I started feeling pain on the inner side of my foot right near the big bone.  My feet were also burning.  I ignored the pain and focused on my number one rule “DO NOT WALK”.  Lol, seriously it is amazing how some times the mind is the one that needs the controlling in order to ensure goals are achieved.  Too bad I cannot use my mind to stop eating sweets.  Maybe I will practice that this week. …

Finally we finished the race.  Lily did warn me to save some energy for the last part as it is a hill and thank God she told me because it was brutal.  Two things that stayed with me the most were seeing a girl on the floor being helped by medicals.  She had so much blood all over her face. Not sure what happened to her.  Maybe she was pushed or cut off by someone who was cutting around others.  I hope she is okay.  The second thing was that close to the finish line a guy was on his knee proposing to his girlfriend.  It was so sweet and touching. She was crying and he had the ring and on his knee.  Near them on the side was what I assumed to be their friends and family and they had signs with them.  How sweet was that?  Who would ever forget such proposal?  Our time was 1.49:37 and at a pace of 10.58.  I was happy with the results.

I got home and right away had to get Safa ready for her swimming class.  I did not really think much of the race or the pain on my feet at that point.  While Safa and her dad where in the pool I applied ice to my foot (inner side was the most pain).  We got home, after a bath and lunch Safa and I both went to sleep.  I twisted and turned for a while and text messaged friends who were sweet to send messages of congratulations, and finally slept for few hours.  I was out of commission for the rest of the day. 

This morning I woke up and no more pain on my foot but my thighs are sore. If I sit for a while getting up is painful. I am going to see if I can schedule a massage for today or tomorrow.  No workout for me today.  Going to enjoy my rest day and run some errands at lunch. 

My friend Ahmed sent me a documentary about marathons to watch and I watched it last night. It was so emotional that it made me cry but at the same time also made me aware of the difficult task ahead of me.  Doing a marathon is not easy and the physical and psychological aspects can be overwhelming.  If you guys have time I strongly suggest you watch it. http://topdocumentaryfilms.com/marathon-challenge.

p.s. my darling daughter is walking. It is so cute but now that she discovered walking that is all she wants to do.  Love her!!!!

SHOE SHOPPING IS NOT ALWAYS FUN

I never thought finding a pair of running shoes could be this hard.  Last year, I purchased a pair of New Balance 760 and I loved them so with my new training I decided to get another pair.   I am one of those people that like to stick with what I know so I got the NB860 which is an upgrade from the NB760.  I initially got my old size 7.5 but they were not fitting right (the little finger was touching the shoe and it was uncomfortable).  I guess it is true what they say about your feet size changing after pregnancy.  I went to the Pacers store in Arlington to find out what was going on.  The salesgirl was not very helpful but did mention that the manufacture had narrowed the shoes in the NB860.  Why ruin a perfect pair of shoes? So I exchanged my NB860 for size 8 wide.  I think I should have stuck with the size 7.5 and just got them in wide as the new pair was now bigger.  I am thinking of putting an insole to see if it makes a difference.  

Last Sunday (March 18, 2012) I was feeling restless and decided I needed an hour of  me-time. Earlier in the day we took Safa to her swimming class and when we came back I took a nap with her (I normally don’t take naps) and instead of feeling full of energy I was actually tired and grumpy.  I decided to go to the book store to do some reading in order to find out which running shoes are now being recommended by the experts.   It was nice just to sit, read and have a nice cup of coffee without any interruptions; however all the reading just make me more confused.  I wish they made it simple and just tell you which shoes are the best but it is more complicated: you have to figure the type of foot arch you.  Apparently there are three types of food arches 1) normal (medium) Arch 2)Flat (low Arch) and 3) High Arch.  Check this site out for more information http://www.footdefense.com/knowyourarch.htm.  When I left the book store, right next was Dicks (local sports store) and they had this scale where you set on and it tells you the type of arch you have.  I found out I had high arch.  I tried one pair of shoes and then checked the time, it was close to Safa’s bed time so I decided to just leave.  I did ask the sales person their return/exchange policy and he told me as long as I don’t wear I can return it.  I knew I would not be buying my shoes there.  Honestly I feel I am always in a rush lately and I don’t have a lot of time, so when I shop I like to go to stores that have hassle free returns/exchanges.  How in the world am I going to know a pair of shoes will be perfect unless I wear them? The few minutes you try them on in the store is not a good indication to me. 

So last night, my sister and I went back to the pacers store near my house.  Did I forget to mention that my sister is now living with us and not only is she looking after my darling daughter but she is also my other running partner. Sometimes things have a funny way of working out.  I love having her with us.  I am actually a bit jealous of how close her and Safa are becoming. Usually when I am around Safa is all mine but now there are times she will run to my sister instead of me (I need to have a serious talk with the little one).  On a serious note I absolutely love having my sister with me especially since the rest of my family live far away.  I would give anything to have my daughter grow up next to her cousins, aunts and uncles.  NOTHING LIKE FAMILY and close friends.  Before I get all emotional let’s get back to the shoe search story...

 So we went back to the Pacers store and this time got an amazing guy to help us out.  His name was Alex and although he had other customers at the same time he had the gift of being able to help everyone at the same time without you feeling like you are not getting any attention.  I actually called the store this morning and spoke to his manager and told him what a great guy he was (I do complain about bad service but I also make sure to acknowledge when I get good service). Anyways, Alex asked me to try a pair of shoes (Brooks), then walked with them, after walking he asked me to go on the treadmill (so cool) and jog like I would normally. I did and hooked on the treadmill is a computer that actually records your feet and determines your arch and based on the report from the computer he made shoe type recommendations.  It was so cool and I loved the whole experience.  To make it even better I can buy the shoes and within 14 days if I am not satisfied return or exchange them!!! My kind of store. I purchased the Brooks Adrenailine GTS 12 for $110 + taxes and I am hoping they will be the perfect pair for me but if not I guess I will be going back for an exchange. 

So my recommendation for those of you looking for a good pair of running shoes is to go to a store that specializes in running shoes and let them make recommendations. Also make sure the store has a good return/exchange policy. Sometimes it is worth it to pay more for service and conveniences.

Crazy But Why Not???

On March 7^th, 2012; I signed up for my first marathon.  Honestly, I had no intentions of signing up for a full marathon, my plan was to do a 10k or maybe the half (BIG MAYBE) but that morning when I got to work I realized the registration (Circled on my calendar for months now) was only for the full marathon.  I had few hours to make a quick and hard decision. It was extremely important to me to do the Marine Corps race this year because I had signed up for the 10K last year and in August found out I was pregnant and running went out of the window.  I guess I could have trained and still did the 10k but I was a rookie in her first pregnancy and the last thing I wanted to do was take unnecessary risks. So signing up this year would be my way of making up for last years. 

I did quick thinking, doubts started running through my mind. Is it possible? Can I actually train for 26.1 miles in eight months?  I liked the idea of training and what I even liked more was the knowledge that with all the running I will be losing (hopefully) the unwanted weight from my pregnancy.  My daughter is nine months and I still have 10 pounds to lose before I can go back to my pre-pregnancy weight.  I was excited but also nervous and scared.  I wondered if I would actually have time to train.  I work full time and I have a new baby plus all the other everyday things I have to deal with– is it possible to dream this big? 

I have always loved running and in my younger days I wanted to run a marathon but the most I have done was 10 miles and to go from 10 miles to 26.1 is a huge jump.  I emailed my friends to get their opinion and I also called my husband to discuss as this would impact him as much as me and my daughter.  He was very supportive and told me to go for it.   Wish everything else would be that simple!!!

As I analyzed the decision in my head, the most emotional aspect of it was the time that I would be away from my daughter.  I printed a schedule off the web (Jeff Galloway) and noticed that training is actually three days.  Two week day runs which are not longer than 45 minutes and I can take my daughter with me (I am extremely lucky to have received the Bob jogging stroller from my friends Awo and Tina as a shower gift) and one long run on Saturday’s.  At the beginning it would be okay to do the long runs while she is taking her first nap (9am to 11am) but as the long runs get longer I would be missing more of the time she is awake.   Since I am a working mother and do not see much of her on the weekdays, the idea of missing even two hours of the weekend’s sounds unfair to me.   I focused on the positives; my daughter being introduced to active life style from early age, my husband and my daughter getting some alone time without me interfering or taking over and  remembering it is the quality of time rather than the quantity that is important made it easier to deal with my decision.  I think at end my daughter will be happier knowing her mother was happier and healthier. So, I convinced my friend Lily (also her first full marathon) to sign up with me and decision was out of my hands.  

Afterwards, I wonder what I got myself into.  Was I crazy? Is it possible to actually do it? What if I could not? So here begins my journey to the marathon and I will see what happens at the end.  My goal is to finish but if I can do it under 5 hours then I would be even happier.